My Patronus Sucks

Pottermore disappoints again.

That’s a lie. Pottermore has never disappointed in the past. But, for whatever reason, the Patronus quiz is made of suck.

Let’s back it up. I’m an ardent fan of Harry Potter, in the way you can only be when you were first introduced to the story as a young person. I think anyone, at any age, can be a fan, but there is something about discovering the magic of a world like that of Harry Potter when you still believe magic could be real. The story, its lessons, and its characters left an indelible mark on my still-forming mind.

One of the best parts of Pottermore is the ability to classify yourself with magic descriptors. There is so much to be inferred when you meet a new acquaintance and learn right away that he or she is a Ravenclaw. I’ve always loved personality quizzes. Something about categorizing a set of personality traits has always appealed to my Type-A nature. I like the tidy results of sorting everyone into boxes. The more tests I take, the more I discover about myself and the people around me. It could be argued that I use my less desirable classifications as an excuse for my less desirable actions.

When I saw the news breaking across my Facebook feed that a patronus quiz was available, I jumped to take it. I sent the link out to coworkers and friends who I knew would appreciate it. I was heartbroken to end up with a calico cat as my patronus. Especially in light of others receiving a dolphin, osprey, and heron. It’s not that I dislike cats, I just don’t particularly identify with them. When discovering your magical spirit animal, you’d hope to end up with something that makes sense.

Unfortunately for me, and two other people I know who received cats, we’re unable to take the quiz again. I’ve petitioned JK Rowling to try and pull some strings and let us retake the quiz. After all, it’s well known that a patronus can change over time. Just look at Nymphadora Tonks.

Until then, I hope to not run across any Dementors.


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